S.U.M.O (Shut Up, Move On): The Straight Talking Guide to Creating and Enjoying a Brilliant Life, 2nd, Revised and Updated Edition

excerpt

Has anyone ever said something to you and you’ve thought, ‘Well that’s just common sense’? Or ever made a discovery about how things work and thought ‘Why didn’t I think of that before?’

Me too. In fact I guess we all have. One such incident happened to me whilst I was in my late twenties. I was listening to the author and speaker Jack Canfield explain a concept that had a profound impact on how I saw the world and dealt with situations. On reflection I realize that most people will think that what Canfield said was ‘just common sense’ and ‘fairly obvious’. And maybe they’re right. But here’s the interesting part. Until that moment it hadn’t been common sense to me and it wasn’t obvious until it was pointed out.

So what was this insight, this idea that has had such a profound impact? I guess you could call it a formula for life. For me it’s become the foundation upon which my SUMO principles are based. The formula is simply this: E + R = O. Now, in order to explain the formula and why understanding it is crucial to our lives, let’s explore a scenario.

Imagine you’re driving in the fast lane of the motorway, when you notice a car flashing it’s headlights at you. It’s clear from their aggressive driving that they are not pointing out your car needs washing or you forgot your change at the toll booth. No. The driver
behind you is in a hurry and you’re in their way.

So what do you do?

I asked that question to a group of twelve managers I was working with. As you read their responses ask yourself which, if any, you can relate to.

Karl said he would refuse to be intimidated, maintain his current speed and not pull over for the driver behind him. He may even use a particular hand signal to highlight the fact that he didn’t appreciate the other driver’s behaviour.

There were nods of approval from other members of the group.

Brian interjected.

‘Guys I can’t believe what you’re suggesting; I’d simply move in at an appropriate time and allow them to overtake me …’

Before he could finish his sentence pandemonium broke out around the room.

‘No way would you do that Brian. I’ve been in a car with you,’ said his colleague Darran. ‘I know how you drive. It’s like a battle out there when the traffic’s busy and there’s just no way you would react in such a calm and submissive manner.’

‘And quite frankly I wouldn’t want you to’ piped up another colleague.

Brian, clearly enjoying the reaction of his colleagues to what he’d said, added, ‘Hey, let me finish. That’s not the whole story. After the car had overtaken me I’d immediately pull back out into that lane and flash my lights at them!’

The room erupted into laughter.

The energy and emotion in the group was quite extraordinary. A simple scenario had provoked such an animated reaction.

Then Linda spoke up.

‘Guys I’ve never seen such high levels of testosterone bouncing around the room. You remind me of a group of monkeys on heat.’

There was more laughter.

‘Seriously though guys’ Linda continued, ‘What Paul’s just given us as a scenario happens a lot in our job. But whilst you lot are getting het up and animated about such an event, I’m using the same situation as my chuckle time.’

Linda’s colleagues (all of whom were male) calmed down momentarily and looked intrigued and perhaps slightly bemused by Linda’s introduction to the discussion of the phrase ‘chuckle time’.

‘You see whilst you bunch of primates are seeing your blood pressure rise and your aggression levels soar I’m having a laugh.’

‘OK Linda’ I interrupted. ‘You need to put us out of our misery. What exactly is chuckle time?’

‘It’s quite simply this. In my experience most people who drive aggressively, flashing their lights and tailgating you are men. And they’re usually men in big cars.

‘Now I’ve got a theory about men who drive big cars.

‘So when they start flashing their lights and start driving in an intimidating way I will signal and move over. However, when they drive past me I will take a momentary glance in their direction and think “small penis.” You know what? It makes me chuckle every time.’

There were a few smiles in the room when Linda finished but no audible laughs. Linda’s way of dealing with a situation that was common to all of them seemed to put her colleagues’ reaction into perspective. I broke the silence and the slight tension building in the room.

‘Well thanks for sharing that Linda. I’m just relieved I drive a Mini.’

The room erupted into laughter again.

With her humourous insight Linda had made a valuable point, and one that brilliantly illustrates E + R = O. Quite simply it’s this:

It’s not the Event but also how I Respond that influences the Outcome. It’s not an aggressive driver that’s influencing my outcome but also how I’m responding. One response can lead to stress and confrontation, whilst the other can lead to a calmer journey.

Common sense? Obvious? Perhaps. But in my experience very few people live their lives with an awareness of such a formula. For many years I certainly didn’t.

In fact many people seem to live their lives by an alternative one. E = O. In other words, the outcomes in my life are down entirely to whatever events I’ve experienced. I have no control. Certain events will trigger certain outcomes. Period.

SUMO wisdom
Life is rarely just about what happens to you. It’s how you respond that makes the difference.

What Events have you experienced?

Have you ever faced any of the following in your life?

Been made redundant
Experienced significant change at work
Not achieved your expected grades at school
Overreacted to a situation and then regretted what you said and did
Failed your driving test
Been dumped by someone you loved
Applied for a job and not got an interview
Missed out on the house of your dreams through no fault of your own
Found someone driving aggressively behind you
Felt badly let down by a family member or close friend

It would be surprising if from the above scenarios you hadn’t experienced at least a few of them.

You see, life is full of events. It’s full of opportunities, challenges, setbacks and even some dull boring moments at times.

But it’s not the events alone that determine your outcomes.

It’s how you respond.

Succeeding in life is therefore not a matter of chance; it’s not whether fate, luck or destiny bestows upon you a set of favourable events. It’s about the choices you make.