How to woo your mate and avoid a dating disaster
- Paul McGee
- 2011-01-28 12:01:00.0
Dating is a game – whether you like it or not. The question is – do you know how to play? You see, animals have their rituals – Peacocks for instance display their plumage. But sadly, when it comes to close encounters of the romantic kind, the only thing some people display is a shed load of ignorance.
So how can you woo a future mate and avoid a dating disaster? Relationship expert and confidence coach Paul McGee offers some straight-talking advice.
1. Let’s do coffee
Don’t put yourself under pressure by suggesting that for a first date you go for dinner.
Firstly it’s expensive – unless you choose somewhere really cheap, and then you’re sending entirely the wrong message. Secondly it’s long. It’s a long time to be together – particularly if things are not going well. Thirdly dinner dates are not the best way to put people at ease – doing dinner can create irritable brain syndrome.
“Do I talk with my mouth full?”
“Which spoon do I use?”
“I can’t believe these prices.”
“I don’t understand half the menu.”
So do coffee instead. It’s a relaxing environment where you’re more likely to be yourself. It’s cheap - certainly compared to a three course meal. And it doesn’t have to last so long (If things are going well you can always have a second cuppa). There’s also less need for etiquette - just remember not to slurp or burp and make sure your cappuccino doesn’t leave you with a frothy moustache.
2. Dress with care
OK let’s be clear. Forget what your mother told you about never judging a book by it’s cover. The fact is we all do. And if you want people to read the content, make sure the cover is appealing. Here are some actions to take:
• Make sure you have access to a full length mirror – and make sure you use it.
• Take a good long look at your wardrobe. Is it time to dump some of those old favourites that looked really good on you – ten years ago?
• Get some feedback from a good but honest friend or colleague about what you wear. Give them permission to tell the truth – even if it hurts.
• Ignore any advice your mother gives you about your clothes. Period.
And learn to accept compliments about your appearance. Don’t respond with any of the following;
“Oh I got them really cheap in a sale.”
“Oh this old thing – I’ve had it ages.”
“I’m not sure – I think it makes my boobs look big.” (Particularly if you’re a man).
When you’re paid a compliment two words will suffice. ‘Thank you.’
3. Be remembered for all the right reasons
It’s easy to be remembered for all the wrong reasons. Bad breath, body odour, arriving late, talking about ex partners. So how can you stand out from the crowd without appearing proud? Here’s two ways.
Be interested. Make sure you show plenty of interest in the other person. Listening is not about waiting for your turn to talk. It’s a brilliant opportunity to show the other person respect as well as discover more about them. But avoid the Spanish Inquisition. You’re trying to establish a connection, not explore deep-seated personal issues. Remember, it’s a date – not a therapy session. Be interesting. Give some thought about how you talk about yourself and your interests. For example, let’s imagine you’re in a profession that some people, rightly or wrongly, think is fairly boring – you’re an accountant.
How about describing yourself in an intriguing way?
For instance, “I’m in the most misunderstood profession in the world. People pay me to save them money – whilst staying on the right side of the law.”
Or you could just say “I’m an accountant.”
The choice is yours. Just remember they might like the cover of the book, but if the chapter headings don’t look interesting, don’t expect them to read any further.
Here’s the bottom line about dating. You might not get a second chance to create a first impression. This is your chance to shine – so don’t waste it. And play your cards right and your next date could end up becoming your lifelong mate – that’s if you know how to woo them.
